It always made me ponder when it is said about Allah SWT that he is closer to you than your jugular vein. I could never relate to it and had a hard time digesting it down my throat not because I didn’t believe it but because I could not understand it.
Yes, he is near in his All Hearing (As- Sami) and All Seeing (Al-Baseer) sense but I also know that he is up there sitting on his Majestic Arsh (Throne). I always wondered how will he be close to me than my heart and my brain, but then he showed me without me asking for it.
He showed me how he knew every single thought that crossed my mind and entered my heart. How he remembered every little thing I wanted but never considered important enough to make dua for it. Here I am not talking about the big miraculous things obviously I would be making Dua for them as an Insaan (Human beings) we always make Dua for big things and problems but we forget the smaller ones we need and want. It’s not the bigger things that showed me he is near to me than my jugular vein but the smallest tiniest things that made me recognize how he cared for every single wish of mine.
These smaller things brought me closer to him as he was rather always close as he has said. Those things which I never bothered about he brought them in front of me without me even remembering them or for that matter asking for them.
Now you would be wondering what smaller things and for you, the example might not mean a lot but for me, it meant huge because I knew that no one else knew about them but only him as they were only in my mind.
I once had a Britain made granola which is imported from England and I go to Lulu’s Hyper Market to get it. I had it last Ramadan and when I went after a month or so it was out of stock. That granola is my favorite and as I have become Lactose intolerant I always get Almond milk with it which is a specific brand as well. Every time I went to Lulu they had the milk but not the granola so I would come back half-heartedly. I checked other big grocery stores as well but they didn’t have that specific one. It was only me who knew that I really wanted that granola and I asked the management as well and they said it wasn’t coming anymore. I wanted it but it wasn’t like it was clinging to my mind that I would end up making Dua for it. A few months later I went back to Lulu and again checked the cereals aisle to see if they had it and this time they had the one I wanted so badly so I grabbed two of them just in case it gets short again. You have no idea how happy it made me so for two consecutive months I savored that Granola with Vanilla Almond milk.
A few months later it was again not available and I felt sad because I really liked it. I asked them again but they had all the other granolas from that company but not the one I wanted. I grabbed another one and came home. It was kind of same to the one I like but not exactly so I left it and didn’t eat much. Sometime later, we shifted to a new house and then I was having that craving of eating granola again. I checked Lulu didn’t find it and came back. I checked my kitchen cabinets if they had the one I was having last time but just found a smaller bag with 2-3 tsp of granola so I put it back. My mom saw me looking for Granola and said another pack is still left it has some of it. I told her this was the only one and it doesn’t have much. Next day when I woke up I saw a packet on the kitchen counter with the granola, not the one I like but the one I didn’t like but still wanted to have one. It was the one my mother was talking about. That is when I realized how he looks after me even for the smaller things I like. I didn’t get the new granola from Lulu because I thought I had some at home so why waste money on the one I don’t like and when I checked at home I didn’t find any left but Allah somehow managed to keep it for me because I thought I only had that packet left which didn’t have much in it. He even listened to that plea of my heart which I didn’t turn into a plea but it was just a mere thought. He responded to that too. You might be thinking yeah but it’s not the one you wanted but it’s not about that, it’s about I wanted something and I had in my mind that I have some at home and when I looked I couldn’t find and if it was on me I wouldn’t have looked again but because my mother told me I was able to enjoy a bowl of granola with that Almond milk relishing it every time that milk entered my mouth giving me a semi-sweet taste I like and for me it was enough, yes it wasn’t perfect but it made me happy that he cared. It reminded me that life isn’t perfect too and it will never be but some moments in life still make it worth living and you genuinely happy.
It made me think about how he always cares for me and remembers my tiny little wishes and brings them towards me. It struck me so hard that when he is paying so close attention to the whispers of my heart which are quite random and non-important then what makes me think that the things for which I beg to him, make intense Dua, cry on my knees, kneel down to him, he wouldn’t care for them.
This Ramadan all these thoughts kept coming into my mind when I was writing these blog posts on making Duas to Allah SWT and I realized I myself had not been that passionate about making Dua even though I was telling you guys to aim high, dream big and have high standards as nothing big will still decrease anything from Allah’s Kingdom. I felt as if something is missing from my Duas and yes when I really looked through myself within my heart I instantly knew what was missing.
Yaqeen (certainty/ firm belief) was missing from my Duas and I didn’t have to look deeper as I already knew what it is that I need to fix. Yaqeen has been missing from my Duas for many years now. I guess it’s hard for me to trace back when that happened but there was a time when a problem didn’t seem a problem because my faith was firm. I never had moments of doubt or shaking beliefs. I always believed that Allah listens and responds no matter what but with passing years as my life changed I went on a journey leading to low Imaan with weak belief. A time came when I made Dua with zero belief doubting if he is even listening or will respond and to my surprise which shouldn’t be a surprise he always did. From a person who used to tell people that stop taking short cuts and asking for wasilaz (references) and just have faith and ask Allah directly and see how he responds every single time, I went down the hill and became a person whose Imaan shattered and had doubts if he will ever respond and come for help.
But then after taking a turn back to him, he blessed me with moments like these that changed my life and brought light into my heart that when he is always hearing and knows what goes into my mind, what it is thinking, what my heart says and wants and he brings those things in front of me then whether high Imaan or low Imaan, whether strong or weak connection but he is still with me in whatever position I am. He is close because he never left, I was the one who did.
The idea that you feel lonely or don’t feel the warmth and deep connection while making dua or the belief and Yaqeen or firm faith you used to have while making Dua, this does not mean he isn’t listening or would not respond to your Duas, he always have been listening to your silent heart and unspoken words even if you don’t feel that connection or your Imaan is weak, but he isn’t weak. He is listening and accepting at the same time.
You just need to make Dua, you need to tell him what you want and don’t worry if you feel like that the Dua isn’t coming from your heart but are merely just words coming out of your mouth or slipping through your tongue. Even with this feeling if you are still making Dua then it means he wants you to make Dua, your Dua doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be a Dua. A need, a desire that makes you think of him telling you, you only need him. Even if that need be to have Yaqeeen in your Duas for a start up.
This reminds me of another long forgotten camera story but to keep this post short as it is already very long I’ll keep that to me and tell you it the next time in another post but before leaving I want to share that there are many stories where Allah does his miracles but there are moments where Allah works for you so silently that the things you once wanted slip right into your life so easily that you are left completely speechless.
Those moments tell you that He is the only one Listening and the only one Responding to every single plea of your heart without you sometimes even asking for it. So when he is so close and listens to the unsaid things then what stops you from making Dua to him.
I hope my series of DUA in the month of Ramadan has been helpful for you when you tell Allah your desires remember me in your prayers too.
Eid Mubarak to all the Muslim Ummah.