There is an ultimate power in surrendering that I would say none of us really know and to say it more bluntly no one ever told us about it.
What surrender is?
Well, it’s definitely not giving up.
That’s what most of us have been told or made to think so when it comes to surrendering.
A couple of weeks ago I encountered a situation thoughts of which occurred in my mind some time ago. But it was just a mere thought of one of many possibilities and scenarios of the situation in front of me. Even at that time, that outcome made me uncomfortable.
Here to say sometimes my intuition is very strong but mostly I only realize it when that particular thing happens or I come across it. Because human mind can think and then can over think so I can’t say what is my intuition telling me just randomly or heavily pinching me with a thought to actually take it seriously.
So a few months later when I thought I was entering a totally different phase of my life and totally forgot about it, that little whisper of my intuition occurred and it was exactly as my intuition told me. It got me and I was completely out of place not knowing what to do. The situation was exactly the same and I was dreading the outcome. The more I thought about it becoming true the more I felt like life was dripping out of me.
I started resisting the situation by thinking and doing all possible things that I could do stop it from happening but the more I tried the more reality punched me in the face. I felt helpless.
There was nothing I could do stop it. That’s when I sat down and thought about it. What worse could happen if the outcome of what is happening is going to be exactly what I am fearing. If it’s meant to be that way I’ll be living my life that way no matter what I want now. Because if Allah has written for it to happen in Lau hey Mehfooz, 2000 years ago when he created the Qalam before creating the heavens and the earth then there is nothing I can do to change it. Yes if given a choice I’ll definitely opt out of it but if it is my destiny then I will be living my life with that outcome and with Allah’s will, I’ll be content with what he chose for me and be at peace with his decision.
That was the moment when I realized I had no power but to accept his will and his subduing and overwhelming authority upon his creation. He is Al-Qahhar, he does as he wills and no one can stop him.
But it was not like I had no power or no choice at all. I had the power of Dua and that’s the only power one needs whatever the situation may be.
So I surrendered to Allah’s will that even if the outcome turns out to be the one I fear and makes me cringe everytime I think of it but no matter how much I hate it and it makes me feel like ending up in a degrading and humiliating position. I’ll accept it whole heartedly without ever questioning why Allah did this. Yes, I was honest with him about how I felt even though he already knew before me having to say anything. So I told him you know I don’t want this, I don’t want this at all. I want some magical or miracle way to get out of it without my dignity, respect and reputation getting ( being) harmed so please do something because you have given me this right to ask you. I’ll accept either of what you decide for me but you also know what I want and who else to ask if not YOU.
I made dua and left myself and everything onto him completely believing whatever it maybe he’ll choose the best for me and he’ll keep my choice in consideration too.
Even though my mind because of its overthinking addiction tried to grab me into that pool of worries and constant anxiousness I tried to pull myself out of it. It was hard not going to say that the three, four days of waiting passed with ease. Not at all, I felt lifeless even though I had prayed but a part of me was still afraid as to what I was going to say to avoid the situation or to face it with dignity.
As I was waiting for the result I kind of accepted the worse outcome that if it is then let it be. My mind and heart unconsciously came to terms with it, thinking when I have accepted so many unwanted things in life and adjusted to them ultimately finding happiness. I’ll find peace here too.
From sitting and waiting lifelessly trying to shift my mind from it I got up and prayed Istekhara prayer and pour my heart out. I asked him to send help from Ghaib (Unseen) and protect my honor even if it is with the outcome I do not prefer but to my surprise even though I had surrendered I never thought he would save me with such ease.
Allah saved me and saved me miraculously I was thinking about solutions but he put me in a situation where not only I did not have to do anything but not even say anything. Not a single word. to prove my innocence. And that’s how he took me out of that situation without my respect, dignity, and honor being compromised.
It took me days to even comprehend and then to contemplate as to how easily he did all that for me without me even moving a lip or lifting a finger. How easy it was for him to get me out of that situation, but he was doing it just to test my faith in him and when I showed it his help came through. All I had to do was to raise my hands in Dua and then leave myself up to him. Leave my burdens, my tensions, my worries, and insecurities at his shelter and then have complete faith that I do not need to carry them on my weak shoulders because he is carrying them for me. What needs to be done by him I should not try to do. I should only focus on what needs to be done by me and that is making Dua and then having Faith.
Surrendering is to give yourself up to his will and have faith that whatever he decides he’ll make you content with it and it will be the best for you. No matter what the result may come you will be satisfied and will not have an iota of worry or discontentment with his decision but an utter peace in your heart.