One fine morning as Alhumdolilah there are many in my life.
The morning came with an alarming situation. The result of a situation I encountered a year ago and had a different outcome back then, than what I expected. I came to somewhat peace or rather say accepted it by praying so hard to Allah to respond to me in either way. Manifest my desire or set my heart free from that wish.
And the date I gave to Allah in which he had to respond he responded by setting my heart free from it. Not to say I didn’t try myself to set myself free but every time I tried and prayed it never happened and I always went back to my wish making my life difficult.
When my heart changed it wasn’t that I completely forgot what I wanted and wished for. It was just that I no longer desired it. Even if it manifested now, it wouldn’t make any difference to what I feel and what I’ve felt during those struggling and painful days. But yes I cannot deny the fact that the emptiness of that desire was still there. I didn’t want it now but that want I had for so long created such a heaviness in my stomach that whenever I thought about it. I always felt sad.
I started praying to Allah to make me forget that wish and desire and mend my heart O Al-Jabbar in such a way that even if a thought passes through my mind. It doesn’t affect my heart or my gratitude for you in not having fulfilled that desire. Because the truth is, I never questioned Allah for once as to why didn’t he fulfill it and gave me what I asked for because when I looked back at those past 2 years with that desire in my heart Allah gave me so much more accompanied with that pain. There was so much for me in that package which I would have never gotten hadn’t it been for that wish. He not only gave me a burning desire. He gave my dead heart life. He poured rain from the heavens on the barren land of my heart. And what else can a man ask for if his heart gets guidance and is set right by Allah?
He designed my whole transformation through that one dream. So what if the dua didn’t manifest in the way I wanted. What did I lose by asking him? By making dua by praying to him. I only gained and gained a lot.
And not only I gained I also got the response from him according to his perfect timing and wisdom, though the outcome is not what I wanted, the situation I encountered today gave me closure, as if Allah with all his love and mercy for me, grabbed my hand and took me to a place to show me, the way you see things is not the way I see and design them. but even if I put a desire in your heart even if I am going to respond in a different way I still have wisdom behind placing it there, because I know you wouldn’t go that far with me if I didn’t bribe you with something you like and I only do this because I know where you need to go and what you need to learn and trust me what I have for you is far more beautiful than what your little-limited mind can imagine. so give me your hand and let me show you what you wished for and what I got you.
The knowledge the guidance. The self-awareness. The purpose of this life and most importantly the closeness to Allah is the most treasurable thing I could ever ask for and when I got that, what is it in this world that I ask of him and he won’t give.